Where is your confidence? That is a very good question. My answer is different today than if someone would have asked me about 25 years ago. Today I am a different person than I was years ago. As a kid I struggled with lack of confidence, low self image and rejection. I never felt good enough, smart enough, athletic enough, nor pretty enough. I believed a wrong impression of myself. I would have people tell me I would never amount to anything and I bought it hook, line, and sinker. When you hear something long enough, you start to believe it!
I always loved Jesus, but didn't realize I was believing lies that the enemy was putting in my head. Years ago when I started getting into reading and studying my Bible, a lot of the truth was revealed to me about how God sees me. This didn't happen overnight. This has been a journey, a long journey of having my mind renewed through the Word of God. (Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:23)
The devil is crafty. He knows what works to throw you into that pit in your mind. He also knows how to plant people in your life to do his work. I look back at my younger years and can see how people were used by the devil to bring me to a place of depression and his hope of suicide.
There was a day where I battled hopelessness and desperation. Those were some really tough days. And, at that time I knew Jesus, but still really struggled and so ashamed that I battled these emotions. I really loved God but didn't have any victory or freedom that I sang about in church. I was a messed up cookie and I knew it! I was desperate for change and my soul was crying out for help. I am thankful for good Christian Counselors who will give you the Word of God. My problem was, I was so wounded in my soul by the things that happened to me as a kid that I didn't know how to break out of the wrong cycle of thinking. I am also thankful for Women of God and Women's Conferences where I started getting a hold of the truth of the Word. I needed to renew my mind to what the Bible said about me and how God saw me.
(Romans 12:2) Don't copy behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good, pleasing and perfect. (1 Peter 2:9) But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people; that you should show forth praises of Him who has called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
I looked up every scripture that talked about being made in God's image (Genesis 1:26-28) and how God loved me and created me for a purpose. (Ephesians 2:10) For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Psalm 139:1-18) For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son, that whosoever believe in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
I will tell you the Bible is packed full of these scriptures that tell of His love for us and how Jesus died on the cross so we can be free. (1 Peter 2:24) I wanted to be healed in my soul (mind, will and emotions), like I said, l was desperate. I loved Jesus, but didn't see all the things the Bible promised. I was going to heaven but getting my butt kicked all the way there by the devil. I felt like the devil had me, like he was winning even though Jesus won the victory for me. How could this be? I believed God loved me and the power of the Holy Spirit was there for me, but I still felt like I was losing the battle.
There is power in the Word of God. Seriously real power when the Word is spoken! How did God create the heavens and the earth and all that is in it? With His mouth! As I said, I started studying all my promises that are in the Bible and confessing the Word aloud. My brain needed to hear it, the devil needed to hear me saying it, and my heart needed to receive it!
As my heart received it, I started to believe it. I also confessed scriptures on hope and putting my trust in God. I really needed hope to well up inside of me because I was hopeless. I was digging myself out of a pit that I allowed myself to go to. I believed so many lies that people said about me. I always felt I was called to preach to women, but my pastors from the past said they didn't see the Call on my life. I buried that desire for many years believing they were right. The funny thing is, it is still here and it burns inside of me still today. The devil hates us and will do anything he can to stop us from going forward. He is afraid if we truly know who we are and how valuable we are he won't be able to control or manipulate us any longer. Plus we might fulfill the Call on our lives, be changed and help someone in the process!
I know how my life has been transformed. I am different than I used to be in the past. I had no confidence. Now I have confidence in my Jesus, who lives in me and I have the Holy Spirit who works in and through me. I am confident that Jesus has my back and is taking care of all the things that concern me. (Psalm 138:8)
Is my life perfect? Oh NO, but I have a trust in God as the scripture says in Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who are called according to His purpose".
If you are struggling in any of the areas that I talked about, don't give up hope! Hang in there! God will make a way where there seem to be no way! Just cry out to Him and He will answer.
I am living proof of God's faithfulness and my confidence comes from Him! And you can have the same!